Relationship Questions - 10/4/07

Question 1: After starting to date, when is it appropriate to have a discussion about the relationship status, or to inquire about the other person's intentions?

Before you start dating! A conversation should exist about what each person's intentions are before you go out with them. Some people are looking to date because they want a variety or relationships/friendships. Others date because they are looking for someone to be exclusive with. So before you start dating you should know if this is just for fun or for exploring possibilities.

If you have started to date someone with out having this discussion then you should have the discussion as soon as you feel like you want something more serious. The sooner the better because a lot of people feel that since they invested a certain amount of time to dating someone, they are entitled to a title, which is not true. The earlier you speak up the better it is for both parties. If you want something serious and he/she doesn't, then it's up to you to decide whether you want to continue to just date or move on and look for the title and commitment you are looking for. The wrong thing to do is to think you are going to wear someone down into being committed to you. That is just wrong.

Question 3: How do you get a person who is not used to verbally expressing their emotions to open up?

85% of communication is non-verbal. So if a person expresses themselves in other ways then you may have to adapt a little to the ways in which they express themselves, while working and building on a comfort level that allows for more explicit forms of emotions. The age old adage that actions speak louder than words is something you may have to internalize. If the person does not say they love you, do they show you that they love you? Be careful not to look for words with out meaning just for the sake of hearing it. Knowing the words are true provides a more solid foundation in which you can build upon.

Question 3: I started dating a childhood friend who initially was very eager to text and talk with me. All of a sudden he seems uninterested in this communication to the point where he barely responds when I try to make contact with him. Why the sudden shift in behavior?

You know why there is a sudden shift in behavior. When a person does not pick up his/her phone it is because they do not want to talk. If they do not respond to text it is because they do not want to communicate. I will not fill your head with fluff about being busy, or confused about things because that isn't the case. The way a person is as a friend and the way a person is as a companion changes if he/she may not be interested in making the shift. Rather than hurting your feelings, they are avoiding you.